Trimming Tricks of the Trade: Minimize Parentheticals

Here is another way to help with your page count.

#2: MINIMIZE PARENTHETICALS

Any of you who have taken my screenwriting classes know I urge writers to use parentheticals sparingly. Not only because they’re typically one or two words — what a waste of a line! — but also because far too often (A) they are intended to direct the actor (which actors don’t like) or (B) what they are conveying is already implied in the dialogue.

In other words, most parentheticals are not only space-wasters, they are unnecessary.

One way to lose parentheticals is to put their content in scene description. Here’s an example:

INT. XRAY DEPARTMENT — DAY

Scattered mobile x-ray units create a high tech maze. Eve
balances a cellphone against her ear as she clutches a
stack of CT films. Pushes toward a light box.

EVE
(into the phone)
I’ve had them stat page Dr.
McCarthy three times. I have a
post aneurism resection with
seizure.

Here’s a little edit which transplants the parenthetical into scene description:

INT. XRAY DEPARTMENT — DAY

Scattered mobile x-ray units create a high tech maze. Eve
balances a cellphone against her ear as she clutches a
stack of CT films. Pushes toward a light box. Into phone:

EVE
I’ve had them stat page McCarthy
three times. I have a post
aneurism resection with seizure.

[Note: I also handled the orphan in the side of dialogue, saving a line there, too].

The worst parentheticals are those that take up more than one line. Paddy Chayefsky, one of the greatest screenwriters ever, loved parentheticals. Here’s an actual example from NETWORK:

HOWARD
(reaching for the bottle of
booze on HUNTER’S desk to
refill his glass)
 — let’s do the Lennon deportation
at the end of three —

Three whole lines for what could be one line of SD:

He reaches for the booze on Hunter’s desk, refills his glass.

Chayefsky started as a playwright at a time when they used parentheticals extensively. But for us mere mortals where page count is critical, there is no excuse to use a parenthetical unless (A) it is absolutely essential and (B) the action it describes is counter to what the dialogue indicates. Such as:

HOWARD
(picks up gun)
Angry? Why would you think that?

So do this: Every time you think about using a parenthetical, ask yourself if you’re willing to waste an entire line for one word? Because, in essence, that is what you are doing.

Tomorrow another Trimming Trick of the Trade.

Part 1: Lose the orphans

[Originally posted 11/25/2008]

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