Script To Screen: “Clerks”

A scene from the 1994 movie Clerks., written by Kevin Smith.

IMDb plot summary: A day in the lives of two convenience clerks named Dante and Randal as they annoy customers, discuss movies, and play hockey on the store roof.

Here is Jay and Silent Bob at their dialogue best. Well… Jay at least.

EXT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY JAY, SILENT BOB and OLAF lean against wall. JAY
"Not in me." That's what she says.
I gotta pull out and spank it to
get it on. So I blow a nut on her
belly, and I get out of there, just
as my uncle walks in. It was such a
close call. I tell you what,
though, I don't care if she is my
cousin, I'm gonna knock those boots
again tonight. TWO GIRLS join them. JAY
Oh shit, look who it is. The human
vacuum. GIRL 1
Scumbag. What are you doing? JAY
Nothing. Just hanging out with
Silent Bob and his cousin. GIRL 1
(to SILENT BOB)
He's your cousin? JAY
Check this out, he's from Russia. GIRL 1
No way. JAY
I swear to God. Silent Bob, am I
lying? SILENT BOB shakes his head: JAY
See? And Silent Bob never told a
lie in his life. GIRL 2
What part of Russia? JAY
I don't fucking know. What am I,
his biographer?
(to OLAF)
Olaf, what part of Russia are you
from? OLAF looks quizzically at SILENT BOB. SILENT BOB
(in Russian)
Home. OLAF
(comprehending)
Moscow. GIRL 1
He only speaks Russian? JAY
He knows some English, but he can't
not speak it good like we do. GIRL 2
Is he staying here? JAY
He's moving to the big city next
week. He wants to be a metal singer. GIRL 1
No way! JAY
Swear.
(to OLAF)
Olaf, metal! OLAF makes a metal face. JAY
That's his fucking metal face.
(to OLAF)
Olaf, girls nice? OLAF looks the girls up and down. OLAF
Skrelnick. JAY
(laughs)
That's fucked up. GIRL 1
What did he say? JAY
I don't know, man. He's a fucking
character. GIRL 2
He really wants to play metal? JAY
He's got his own band in Moscow.
It's called "Fuck Your Yankee Blue
Jeans" or something like that. GIRL 1
That doesn't sound metal. JAY
You gotta hear him sing.
(to OLAF)
Olaf, "Berserker!" OLAF laughs and shakes his head. JAY
Come on, man, "Berserker!" GIRL 2
Does he sing in English or Russian? JAY
English.
(to OLAF)
Come on, "Berserker!" Girls think
sexy. OLAF
(relents)
Da. Da. JAY
He's gonna sing it. This is too
funny. OLAF
(in broken English)
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK
BERSERKER! WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
MAKING FUCK? BERSERKER! JAY
(laughing)
That's fucking funny, man! GIRL 1
Did he say "making fuck?" JAY
Wait, there's more.
(to OLAF)
Olaf: sing...
(makes pot-smoking face)

OLAF
(nods in understanding)
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A ROCK
BERSERKER!WOULD YOU LIKE TO SMOKE
SOME POT? BERSERKER! OLAF busts a crimson metal sneer and cackles deeply. CUT TO:

Here is the scene in the movie:

A few changes, the main one being a cut away to the interior of the store, then back to Olaf singing, and substituting the word “cock” for “pot”. My guess is Smith did the first one to cover something in what they shot from the original scene and the second change probably through improv, the substitute funnier than “pot”.

One of the single best things you can do to learn the craft of screenwriting is to read the script while watching the movie. After all a screenplay is a blueprint to make a movie and it’s that magic of what happens between printed page and final print that can inform how you approach writing scenes. That is the purpose of Script to Screen, a series on GITS where we analyze a memorable movie scene and the script pages that inspired it.

For more articles in the Script To Screen series, go here.