Script To Screen: “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery”

A scene from the 1997 comedy Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, written by Mike Myers.

Plot Summary: A 1960s hipster secret agent is brought out of cryofreeze to oppose his greatest enemy in the 1990s, where his social attitudes are glaringly out of place.

INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE - NEXT DAY

We're in the middle of a group therapy session,
containing six or seven FATHERS with their teenage
SONS. It is emotionally charged. A lot of pained
expression and coffee in Styrofoam cups. SON 1
(crying)
I love you, Dad.

DAD 1
I love you, Son.

They hug. Everyone APPLAUDS. We see Dr. Evil and
Scott. THERAPIST
That was great, Mr. Keon, Dave.
Thank you. OK, group, we have two
new member. Say hello to Scott and
his father, Mr....Ehville?

DR. EVIL
Evil, actually, Doctor Evil.

GROUP
Hello, Dr. Evil. Hello, Scott.

SCOTT EVIL
(into it)
Hello, everybody.

THERAPIST
So, Scott, why don't we start with
you. Why are you here?

SCOTT EVIL
Well, it's kind of weird.

THERAPIST
We don't judge here.

SCOTT EVIL
OK. Well, I just really met my Dad
for the first time three days ago.
He was partially frozen for thirty
years. I never knew him growing up.
He comes back and now he wants me to
take over the family business.

THERAPIST
And how do you feel about that?

SCOTT EVIL
I don't wanna take over the family
business.

DR. EVIL
But Scott, who's going to take over
the world when I die?

SCOTT EVIL
Not me.

THERAPIST
What do you want to do, Scott?

SCOTT EVIL
I don't know. I was thinking, maybe
I'd be a vet or something, cause I
like animals and stuff.

DR. EVIL
An evil vet?

SCOTT EVIL
No. Maybe, like, work in a petting
zoo or something.

DR. EVIL
An evil petting zoo?

SCOTT EVIL
(shouting)
You always do that!
(calm)
Anyways, this is really hard, because,
you know, my Dad is really evil.

THERAPIST
We don't label people here, Scott.

SCOTT EVIL
No, he's really evil.

THERAPIST
Scott.

DR. EVIL
No, the boy's right. I really am
evil.

THERAPIST
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're
here, that's what's important. A
journey of a thousand miles begins
with one step.

SCOTT EVIL
I just think, like, he hates me. I
really think he wants to kill me.

THERAPIST
OK, Scott, no one really wants to
"kill" anyone here. They say it,
but they don't mean it.

The group LAUGHS.

DR. EVIL
Actually, the boy's quite astute. I
am trying to kill him. My Evil
Associates have cautioned against
it, so here he is, unfortunately,
alive.

THERAPIST
We've heard from Scott, now let's
hear from you.

DR. EVIL
The details of my life are quite
inconsequential.

THERAPIST
That's not true, Doctor. Please,
tell us about your childhood.

GROUP
Yes, of course. Go ahead, etc.

DR. EVIL
Very well, where should I begin? My
father was a relentlessly self-
improving boulangerie owner from
Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy
and a penchant for buggery. My mother
was a fifteen-year-old French
prostitute named Chloe with webbed
feet. My father would womanize, he
would drink, he would make outrageous
claims, like he invented the question
mark. Sometimes he would accuse
chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of
general malaise that only the genius
possess and the insane lament. My
childhood was typical. Summers in
Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring
we'd make meat helmets. If I was
insolent, I was placed in a burlap
bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty
standard, really. At the age of twelve
I received my first scribe. At the age
of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma
ritualistically shaved my testicles.
There really is nothing like a shawn
scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went
off to evil medical school. From there...

ANGLE ON THE THERAPIST AND THE GROUP. They are
stunned.

Here is the scene from the movie:

Not many differences, some additional lines for Dr. Evil and the therapist. Why? Probably to give Mike Myers and Carrie Fisher a bit more flavor within the scene. Interesting to note that Dr. Evil’s long monologue is pretty much delivered by Myers word for word. He probably worked over that speech a long time and liked where it ended up.

Any Austin Powers fans out there?

One of the single best things you can do to learn the craft of screenwriting is to read the script while watching the movie. After all a screenplay is a blueprint to make a movie and it’s that magic of what happens between printed page and final print that can inform how you approach writing scenes. That is the purpose of Script to Screen, a weekly series on GITS where we analyze a memorable movie scene and the script pages that inspired it.

For more articles in the Script To Screen series, go here.