Page One: ‘Romancing the Stone’ (1984)

Written by Diane Thomas

I write a lot about Narrative Voice and it’s largely about scene description. To start the process of developing a strong Narrative Voice, a writer needs to be proactive in applying this principle:

Genre + Style = Narrative Voice

If you are writing comedy, your scene description should evoke laughs.

If you are writing horror, your scene description should engender fear.

If you are writing drama, your scene description should elicit feelings.

But that’s just the bare minimum. The next level derives from this:

Scene description is your screenplay’s second dialogue.

There is the dialogue your characters voice. Then there is a dialogue with which you engage the reader when describing a scene. One key to do that: Entertain them!

You need to establish your Narrative Voice and entertain the reader starting from Page 1, Line 1.

Consider how Diane Thomas begins the script for Romancing the Stone:

• The very first moment of the script begins with action: a guy kicking in a door. But not just any guy, the focus is on the boot. And not just any boot but a “size 16-EEE boot.” This is one big fellah we’re talking about!
• His name is GROGAN. He has a “grisly body” and is a “dirty foul-smelling beast.” Both evoke images and feelings about the character.
• Oh, yeah: There’s a “shotgun in his grip” and it’s cocked. The action just went up a notch with that description.
• By contrast, there is ANGELINA, a “strong-hearted beauty.” We like her already. Moreover, we are concerned about her well-being in the face of Grogan’s violent entrance into her cabin. But —
• Angelina is no angel witness how she “surreptitiously slides a boot dagger out of its sheath.” Action upped one more notch.
• Grogan doesn’t just offer up his first line of dialogue, he prepares for it by clearing “trail dust from his throat.” This dude has been on the road for a while. He’s probably ridden miles to get here, so you know he’s serious. Again, action elevated.
• This line — “with shotgun aimed at her breast” — the specificity of its target introduces a sexual subtext to the scene, perhaps even a threat of that kind of assault. Stakes upped.
• When Grogan is distracted by the saddle-bags, presumably what he thinks he is looking for in the way of money, Angelina seizes the moment: “Angelina grabs the dagger’s tip and flips it underhand; in a silver flash the dagger cuts through the air and kills Grogan deader than George Washington.” Diane Thomas could have just written, “She stabs him dead.” Instead, she conveys a skill Angelina has, the speed with which her defensive attack happens, and a colorful description of precisely how dead Grogan is.

And oh yeah: In the rafters a spider faints.

That’s Narrative Voice. That’s the spirit of an action adventure story (Genre + Style). That’s entertaining.

All of THAT… in one page. Not just a single page… but Page One.

Do you have any doubt that a development executive would not reach the bottom of the page and be excited to turn to Page Two?

Takeaway: Think of scene description as your dialogue with the reader. Engage them. Entertain them. Make them see your voice exhibited on the page and make them care about you as a writer.

Sadly, Diane Thomas died in a car crash on the Pacific Coast Highway in 1985. In an L.A. Times article about her death, Michael Douglas commented about why he came on board to buy the spec script Romancing the Stone for $250,000:

“It just had a spontaneity about the writing,” the actor-producer said. “She was not cautious. The script had a wonderful spirit about it. . . . There was a total lack of fear to the writing. It worked.”

An article I wrote about Diane Thomas on the 25th anniversary of her death.

Page One is a daily Go Into The Story series featuring the first page of notable movie scripts from the classic era to contemporary times. Comparing them is an excellent way to study a variety of writing styles and see how professional writers start a story.

For more Page One posts, go here.

You may follow the daily conversation on Twitter as I cross-post there: @GoIntoTheStory.