Negative Fear, Positive Fear

“Fear of writing, understandable, but a negative influence. However, fear of NOT writing and what that prospect could mean, that can be a positive.”

Often, we associate fear with the act of writing. Fear of the blinking cursor. Fear of the blank page.

It beckons you with a daunting whisper. It mocks you with its dull emptiness. It freezes your soul with its ice cold whiteness.

How can a mere 8 1/2 x 11 inch piece of white paper provoke such anxiety, such horror, such fear?

The fear of the blank page — the writer’s bane!

Laying eyes upon the blank page provokes a catch in your breath, a twitch in you muscles, that special tightening in your sphincter.

Fear. But fear of what?

Fear of the not knowing. Not knowing what words will appear… or won’t appear. Not knowing if the words will make sense. Not knowing if the sentences will be good. Not knowing if the story will work.

That is the typical association with writing: Fear.

However, let me offer a different take on fear and writing by sharing a personal anecdote.

My last year at Yale as I was finishing up my Masters of Divinity degree was my 7th consecutive year of academic training. Driving up to campus, I had this palpable feeling in my gut as I walked into the school from the parking lot. Something like dread. That was accompanied by a recurring image in my mind: An older version of me seated at a beautiful desk, a single banker’s type lamp (I like the dark) in my study which is filled with bookcases, floor to ceiling. I am reclined in my chair, caught up in thought. And there in the corner is my guitar case, collecting dust.

As I processed that with my friends and faculty, I realized I was afraid if I did not pursue my interest in music, I would live to regret it.

It was that FEAR which led me to take a year off from my plan to get a Ph.D. in order to explore my creative aspirations.

That year has become the rest of my life.

So, fear of writing, understandable, but a negative influence. However, fear of NOT writing and what that prospect could mean, that can be a positive.

Instead of getting caught up in Negative Fear of writing — What if these pages suck? What if I embarrass myself? What if I discover I don’t have any talent? What if this is all a big waste of time? — why not invert the questions:

• What will I have lost if I don’t pursue my creativity?
• How much despair would I feel if I never risked being a writer?
• What if I don’t take this chance?

Interesting how those type of ‘negative’ questions can transform into Positive Fear. How positive? In that they can compel us to write! Where the fear of not writing becomes greater than the fear of writing.

Takeaway: Don’t be afraid of being afraid. It’s a reality which goes with the craft. Every time we sit down to write is an opportunity for us to fall flat on our faces. We learn to live with that fear by writing no matter what.

But there’s also a positive fear, one which confronts us with the prospect of NOT writing. If the prospective absence of writing as a vocation or avocation manifests itself as fear as loss, then that can motivate us to write … and lead us down a path toward a joy we might never have known.