“Meet Cute Screenwriting Service”

A guest tongue-in-cheek post by Anthony Giambusso.

In May 2015, I featured a satirical article titled “How To Write A Screenwriting Book” by Anthony Giambusso.

Recently Anthony reached out to me with two new posts from his blog. Here is an extended excerpt from the first one: “Meet Cute Screenwriting Service”.

What is a meet cute?

Romantic comedies particularly, and many other genres, include a meet cute: a scene in a movie where two characters who will eventually become a couple meet in an adorable manner. Meet cutes are considered, according to the screenwriting elite, to be some of the most difficult scenes to construct. Imagine then, the endeavor for young screenwriters attempting to break into the business.

What is there to do?

I myself am a screenwriter, with a special ability to devise meet cutes almost daily. I am not sure why I have been blessed with this skill, but I have proven my proficiency time and time again. I have tried on numerous occasions to teach the composing of meet cutes, leaving both me and my students frustrated at the lack of translation. This is why I have taken it upon myself to sacrifice all other aspects of my screenplays, and to offer my meet cutes to the world.

A solution emerges.

Of course, and I know I’ll get flack for this, one cannot support themselves on altruism. But as I am a screenwriter, and want to support my fellow screenwriters, I am offering my meet cute service at an unprecedented value.

“You know what, I’ll just write my own meet cute.”

That’s a brave move. Script analytics have shown that a meet cute that slips even slightly below average have drastically negative effects on the screenplays they inhabit. According to screenplanalyze.net, screenplays with a meet cute rating of nine or higher gave screenplays a 95 percent chance of being sold and a 50 percent chance of being produced and taking in a profit.

You won’t see them listed in the trades, but every studio has someone like me on staff who solely writes meet cutes. The professionals all inevitably delegate to the studio’s on staff meet cute writer. So who does the young writer look to? That’s why I’m reaching into my bag of golden meet cutes and tossing them all across town.

What are my options?

Meet cutes are rated on a cuteness to believability ratio. That’s as sciency as I will get, as it becomes very confusing after that. Please, for your own good, browse the packages below. Below the packages are some sample meet cutes that I included just so you know this is not all nonsense.

Packages:

One meet cute outline: $200. With backstory: $450

Two meet cutes outline: $350. With backstories: $700 (savings of $200!)

One meet cute fully scripted (min 3 pages): $600

I will read a one page of your screenplay and construct a meet cute based on YOUR characters: $1200 (no backstory option).

Phone consultation: You get a 45 minute phone conversation with me. We will discuss and compose your meet cute together. $2000

Hey, screenwriters! How many of YOU have clicked through the websites of screenwriting consultants and so-called ‘gurus’ with packages like this?

For an actual meet cute sample courtesy of Anthony and the rest of his post, go here. While you’re there, check out the rest of Anthony’s site.

Twitter: @TonyGiambooyah.