Daily Dialogue — January 14, 2020

Jay and Bob are walking backwards on the road, hitching still.

JAY: This sucks balls, man. How come we ain’t getting no rides? 
VOICE: ’Cause you’re doing it all wrong.

Jay and Bob look behind them. There’s a GUY hitching as well.

GUY: You gotta induce the drivers a little. 
JAY: Like how? 
GUY: Like this.

The GUY holds out his sign to them. It reads: Will Give Head For Ride.

JAY: Yeah, but what happens when you get in the car, and you don’t make with the head? Don’t they kick your ass to the curb? 
GUY: Sure — if you don’t make with the head.

Jay and Bob look at him for a long beat. Then —

JAY: Eww! You eat the cock?!? 
GUY: Yeah. If it’ll get me a few hundred miles across country. I’ll take a shot in the mouth. 
JAY: Yeah, but we ain’t gay. 
GUY: Well, neither am I. But have you seen the price of bus tickets lately? Shit — I don’t wanna cough up two hundred bucks just to get to Chicago. 
JAY: Well, I don’t wanna cough up some dude’s sperm! 
GUY: Don’t be so suburban — this is the new millennium. Gay, straight — it’s all the same now. There’re no more lines.

Jay draws a line on the ground with his foot.

JAY: There’s one. On this side of it, we ain’t gay. 
GUY: All hitchers do this. Why do you think people pick us up? If you get a ride, it’s expected — I don’t care who the driver is. It’s the first rule in the Book.
JAY: What book? 
GUY: The unwritten Book of the Road.

A TRUCK starts to pull over to the side of the road. The Guy points to it, as if to say “See?” The passenger-side door opens. The Guy climbs into the truck and closes the door. He looks out the window at Jay and Bob.

GUY: Follow the rules of the Book, and you’ll get where you’re going in no time. Excuse me.

Through the windshield, Jay and Silent Bob see the Guy go face-first into the TRUCK DRIVER’S lap. The Truck Drivers smiles, and the truck takes off, roaring down the road.

— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), screenplay by Kevin Smith based on his characters

The Daily Dialogue theme for the week: Hitchhiking.

Trivia: This is the fifth film in Kevin Smith’s intricately interconnected View Askewniverse series (the first four being Clerks (1994), Mallrats (1995), Chasing Amy (1997), and Dogma (1999)). The movies are all linked by characters, themes, and events, and each contains numerous references to the others. The sixth part of the series is Clerks II (2006).

Dialogue On Dialogue: You might not expect a philosophical discussion about fellatio between hitchhikers, but here you go.