Daily Dialogue — February 9, 2020

Lew Harper: [placing a crank call to his wife, imitating English accent into phone] Mrs. Harper? Mrs. Lewis Harper?
Susan Harper: [puzzled and sleepy] Yes…
Lew Harper: Oh thank heavens! You see, we’ve just picked your name from this enormous drum full of names… Only you had to be there to win… and you are, so you have!
Susan Harper: Win?
Lew Harper: [flustered, thinking] … Six… one-hour frug lessons, absolutely free. Yes. I’m Austin Schwartz-Marmaduke, of the Schwartz-Marmaduke Institue for Ballroom Education. You must’ve heard of us, we’re just off Wilshire near the Frug Foundation…
Susan Harper: I don’t want any frug lessons.
Lew Harper: Of course you do, dear lady. Why just think how t’riffic you’ll feel next time you and your husband try frugging… [starts to break up, chuckling at his own humor] How endlessly feminine you’ll feel…
Susan Harper: [she has recognized Harper’s voice and is paying him back now] My husband is dead!
Lew Harper: [not sure where this is going] Well, that’s too bad, as a matter of fact…
Susan Harper: [gaining the upper hand in this joke] No… as a matter of fact, you’re wrong. His death did nothing but serve the cause of mankind. He was a fool, a sadist, a functioning pathological pervert… He was grotesque in all ways. Can a soul be atrocious? He was a degenerate’s degenerate. You won’t believe this, Mr. “Marmaduke,” but he used to call me on the phone sometimes, pretending to be other people. He actually thought it was funny!

— Harper (1966), screenplay by William Goldman, novel by Ross Macdonald

The Daily Dialogue theme for the week: Private Eye.

Trivia: The opening credits sequence: William Goldman later said he knew he’d succeed as a screenwriter as soon as he wrote the opening scene in which Harper is forced to recycle used coffee grounds from the trash for his morning cup of coffee. Harper’s dismay at the result, as realized by Paul Newman on screen, immediately created empathy between the character and the audience. Ironically, that opening sequence was the last thing he wrote for that script.

Dialogue On Dialogue: Paul Newman, private eye. You write scenes like this as actor bait. Newman milks it for everything it’s worth.